When the Pain Remains: Opening Your Heart Chakra

What is opening your heart chakra? We have all heard the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And there is truth in that statement; however, what doesn’t kill us also darkens our hearts. I think of our hearts entangled in beautiful green vines, full of life and blossoming with tiny white flowers. When the pain overcomes us, when the exquisite hurt envelops us in its blackness, the vines harden and tiny thorns appear, the white pearl blossoms shrivel and tighten around our hearts. The vines wrap around our hearts until we are practically lifeless, and then out of the stiffened vines turned brown, the thorns pierce them and leave behind tiny holes. I’m not sure if those piercings in our hearts ever truly go away.

Even after time passes and years go by, do those tiny holes disappear? Or, do they evolve into invisible scars? We might not be able to see them, but we can feel them. They never leave. The vines and the white flowers grow back: they wind through the tiny holes like serpents in the grass. We are stronger, yet forever marked, branded by the heartache we have experienced in our lives. The pain transforms us, yet we never forget what it felt like to spiral into the abyss. Maybe when we experience deep hurt, the puncture wounds exist, so we can always remember what our heart was forced to endure, how we survived, and how we got through it and over it. But what happens when the pain remains in our hearts?

What Are Chakras?


All of us have chakras. Chakras are spinning circles of energy inside us.  One of those chakras is called the “heart chakra.” When we experience a trauma or a loss, our heart chakras may become imbalanced or even blocked. It’s as if the heart chakra holds all of our sadness and hurt that we’ve been carrying. When there is an imbalance in our heart chakras, we shut down emotionally. We don’t even feel sadness anymore; all there’s left is stagnancy.

We have nothing left of ourselves to give. All our heartbreak has faded, but the rose in our hearts has died. As the rose turns brown and slowly deteriorates, a seed does not get planted. Nothing new grows in its place. The love that we once felt has petrified and turned grey. It’s like an old, dilapidated, abandoned house. There is no more warmth or happiness there. It stands there falling apart, a sad reminder of what once was.

I have experienced this first hand: It’s like you have no more emotions left. You’re consumed in nothingness. Any time a guy would ask me out, I would freak out and push him away. I didn’t want to be touched, hugged, complimented, and I definitely couldn’t handle the thought of somebody having romantic feelings for me.

A man once stopped me on the street whom I knew was going to ask me for my number. I don’t even know how it all transpired. I blocked part of it out. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said “No”, and he said “Why?” And just thinking of the reason why, which was I had separated from the man I loved, made me well up.  Luckily I was able to hold back the torrent of tears long enough to walk away from the guy. I ran to a bench overlooking the harbor and sobbed. Those tears were the first I had cried in months. At that point, I realized how far gone I was. 

How was I ever supposed to date again if that kept happening? It had been two years since my breakup and I was still wallowing in the mud. My heart was battered. My heart chakra was blocked. I had spent two years lingering in the disappointment from the past. I had no love or affection to give anybody, even my family. I didn’t want to hug anybody, and when they hugged me, I shrunk and stiffened in their arms. I felt like a robot. I didn’t care about anything. And each day felt like the same day. One day bled into the next.

I had never realized how much the love that we put out into the Universe affects us until the love inside of me disappeared. I was uncomfortably numb. I was miserable. I knew I wasn’t living, I was just existing. But I also understood how damaged I was from all the heartbreak I had experienced with my soul connection. My heart needed healing.

Techniques To Heal Your Heart Chakra

I bought several chunks of raw rose quartz and at night, I would sleep with a few of them under my pillow or closely held to my heart. To me, the rose quartz represented pure love from the Universe and holding it against me made me feel safe and loved. It helped but it did not completely heal me. My heart healing took place over several months. It was a process.

Now my heart is open and I’m able to hug and show affection to my family. I’m happy. I enjoy life again. I feel alive. I am able to feel emotions again. It’s as if one day the sun shone through the window of my darkened heart and brought it back to life. The final piece of my heart chakra healing was when I had a Reiki session with my incredible healer. She helped me to energetically balance my heart chakra. I released all the heartbreak and pain. My heart chakra was open and spinning once again. Some ways to open the heart chakra are: crystal healing, essential oils, yoga, exercise, forgiving yourself and others, mantras, meditation, magick spells, and Reiki healing. Pamper yourself, love yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. We all have flaws. Accept your mistakes and push on.

A Heart Healing Bath Scrub

Try this “Heart Healing Bath Scrub and treat yourself like a Queen.

Heart Healing Bath Scrub

½ cup of sweet almond oil

1 cup natural finely ground sea salt (substitute sugar for sensitive skin)

10-15 drops of Rose or Clary Sage oil